grieving is a process

Back in 1999 there was a hit song by Baz Luhrman that came out  called, 'wear sunscreen'.  It's actually not so much a song but a speech with background music.  The speech is written for a graudating class of seniors in the US.  Every sentence is piece of advice he has learned from his experience at life with the only scientifically proven fact being that you should wear sunscreen-which I do daily...not so much because of the song but just because it's common knowledge. 

I remember many of the lines including the one that says that you should know that, 'worrying is about as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.  The real troubles in our lives are the ones that blind side you on some idle Tuesday.'  And true enough, on an idle Tuesday I received news that my Aunt Trudy passed away.

There's no one set way to deal with a loss of loved one-especially when you're abroad for it.  Even more so when it's someone you really cared for and it kills you to know your family is back home hurting, too.  It's times such as these when the importance of your family becomes blazingly clear.  Not that I ever take them for granted, but in the end its your support system that gets you through it all and are the people that are there for you when all the dust settles.  My father's family is large and of Italian descent and I know it sounds cliche but family was and still is everything.  As much as I've traveled through the years I have to say that I could not do it without knowing of their support.

I've been overseas before when shocking news such as this and I think the worst thing about it is that you can't do anything.  You're helpless and you don't want to burden others with what you're going through.  I usually go into a state of denial until I return home and it hits me that I will never see that person again.  It's true regardless-if you're gone you're gone whether you're in the next room or next continent.  I have noticed that I've become hardened as a result of having to go through the grieving process alone.  Though I guess there's some truth that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. 

If there's one thing that will carry on in my memory of Aunt Trudy it will be her laugh.  She had this energy and loud voice and hearty laugh that would project through the whole house when she was around.  You always knew when she arrived for a visit.  Lord how I already miss that laugh.